Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Re: drawing petition

...Just because you know it's a deer doesn't mean anybody else can tell it's a deer. The fact that nine out of every ten large-size quadrupeds one sees in our region are frickin' deer doesn't mean that drawing doesn't resemble the Mutated Moose Ad Campaign of Ought-Seven as rendered by third-graders in glorious Crayola.

In unrelated, but somewhat more bloglike news, our kitten has developed the alarming tendency to break into the refrigerator, tear open any and all plastic bags (they usually contain tasty human food!) and, perhaps most perversely of all, to attack and bite to death every condom packet he comes upon. Does he have psychological issues regarding mylar? Is he asking for a baby brother? What gives?


We have two cats, of course. Alexei, The Gray One, has been my pet since I was in high school, but Arthur the Little Beastling is a feral we found and rescued at three weeks old just over a year ago. We named him Arthur C. Cat because the only way to get a tiny kittenlet to sleep is to purr for it -and, well, Sparky's deep voice reading some classic sci-fi was apparently close enough.

Alexei is a sensible, affectionate and somewhat doglike example of felinity -he's loyal, comes when called and has a weird tendency to 'bark' for attention. (As a small kitten, the household from which he came included a very paternal Great Dane/Shar-pei mix who took it upon himself to rear the kittens. Amusing sight.) He's a mixed-breed that resembles a Russian Blue, but with a sort of mournful expression. He's gray, after all, and tends to look like a little raincloud that will mew pathetically if you don't pet him.

Arthur, however, is one of those white-and-striped kittehs that look like either a white cat ran under a spray-paint stencil or a tabby cat was dipped in Clorox. His expression is usually of the "What the deuce?" inquisitive/fierce variety, and as I have mentioned, he attacks things. Gentle Alexei, despite being older and rather larger, is clearly not in charge of the situation, but he has been known to help calm the little beastling at times. It isn't that we don't adore both of our lovely cats -but Arthur's behavior's just been so bad lately.

It also doesn't help the little guy that his big brother is one of the world's biggest cuddlesluts. I do not exaggerate when I say that the sound of the toilet seat being raised causes Alexei to immediately awake or stop what he is doing (important catly business!) and race over to the commode to take advantage of his human's being stuck in one place for at least five minutes of high-quality cat petting. He will not be dissuaded from this, and we find ourselves alternately warning or...well, NOT warning dinner guests that the calls of nature in this house feature a cat telemarketer who wants you to upgrade your long-distance carrier to Stroking and Scritches. Compared to this level of saccharine adorability, is it any wonder Arthur distinguishes himself by becoming a juvenile delinquent with a tail?

Sparky has a spray bottle, though. It leaves the potato chips alone or it gets the hose!

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